It is taking me a hot second, and I am still not convinced.

From time to time I revisit the following living document "Living Document of BIPOC Experiences in Bay Area Theater Co. Version 2"

https://www.bipoclivdoc.com/  (as first mentioned in the previous post)  

Takes you to a page with the following headline : 

Living Document of BIPOC Experiences in Bay Area Theater Companies

Anonymous Testimonials of Bay Area BIPOC Artists & Creatives

Launched: Summer 2020

I revisit it not to see if BIPOCs have added new incidents or experiences but to actually check that it is still up there, that it actually exists at all. If you don't know about this document, it was created by an individual artist in the Bay Area and quickly became a movement. 

Ely Sonny Orquiza, a San Francisco director, actor and teaching artist, created “The Living Document of BIPOC (Black, Indigenious and people of color) Experiences in Bay Area Theater.”

The document lists the personal experiences of people of color who are artists. They give accounts of incidents with specific Bay Area theatre companies and or institutions where they experienced racism or saw white supremacy at play.  It is a long document. I can't believe it exists, and sometimes I wonder if this is also dangerous.

Today I am looking at the document right after a saw a call for BIPOC playwrights by a Bay Area theater company. I remember this being one of the companies I used to audition for. For each open call or auditions for specific plays, I would do my best to make it to them. I would show up. I would audition, try to fit in, but never got cast. Now, there can be so many reasons not to be cast, but you know when you see the breakdowns that there is no place for you in these stories. There simply isn't. I don't know why I still showed up. So today, when I saw their call for BIPOC playwrights, my reaction was "wow, never thought I'd see this from them" followed by "oh because everyone is doing it now... " I regretted the negative thoughts. After this I visited the living doc, looked for this company's name, I didn't see a record under their name. No one recorded any incidents of racism or white supremacy for them. I stared at that and remembered my auditions, they were never racist towards me, but does it even matter if the entire system is set up for someone like you to never have a chance to play the lead? How can someone be racist towards you when you are not even seen as a viable option? I have to stop myself from thinking with such negativity often.  But we have to accept that this is an overhaul, and if it seems like it is at the level of each company, it really is the entire system. Yes, we need you to do better. You know who you are. If you have begun, good, keep at it. 

I am still not convinced if this wave of catering to BIPOC and putting out calls for us will sustain. I am still not convinced. I wonder if it has to do with those repeated attempts at knocking on doors that were not meant to open for me because there were no stories for me over there? I simply did not fit. I find myself complaining again. Shouldn't I just be glad that it is finally happening? I should be. But it is taking me time, to trust and believe that it is a change that will stay. There will come a time when the living document will be a historical document. Till then, I keep pinching myself when I see those calls. It is a step in the right direction, I hope more calls for diverse stories follow suit.  

Screenshot of the BIPOC living doc, click to visit : 

Note : The decade of documentation continues for me with respect to blogging ( 2020-2030 ) I keep reminding myself, document, record, register, in a way all writing is a form of documentation but the goal is to be intentional with this purpose. Do it, document, and when you are not documenting, highlight others' efforts of doing so, in this space.